


Our Last Words

by green_lemonboys



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Soulmate AU where your soulmate's last words said to you and the time they are said are marked, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, soulmate, you are all probably gonna hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-11-14 11:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_lemonboys/pseuds/green_lemonboys
Summary: In a universe where the last words your soulmate speaks to you are printed, Cyrus Goodman wants nothing more than to never meet them. And he definitely doesn't want it to be the blonde-haired boy in his class.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm starting my first ever chaptered fic, so hope you like it!  
> Also I'm adding the songs I feel fit each chapter, by either melody or lyrics

**_Waves (Acoustic) Dean Lewis_ **

“Cyrus? Cyrus! Come on, it’s almost midnight!” Buffy called out, as she and Andi helped Mrs Goodman decorate the cake.

Cyrus groaned, rolling over and covering his head with his pillow. “I’ll be down,” he called out, his tone betraying his true feelings. He was not excited for his 14th birthday. That fact has shocked everyone he knew, but why should he be?

They had learnt right from kindergarten about soulmates and soulmate marks. On one’s 14th birthday, the marks appeared on some part of your arm. It consisted of a time, and a word. But the word is the last word your soulmate will ever tell you, and the time printed above it is the exact time that word will be said. Your soulmate would have the same printed on the other arm in the exact same spot. Everyone waited in anticipation for their marks. Everyone except for Cyrus, that is.

He didn’t get it. It terrified him, the thought of finding the perfect person for you, but not knowing until it was too late. Until they had slipped away. It was cruel, and not at all appealing.

One minute to go. Cyrus got up from the bed, ignoring the calls of his friends and family and heading to the bathroom. He just wanted to be alone. He wanted to be alone when he saw his word for the first time. He didn’t have the energy at the moment to face his parents and best friends when he was about to find out the word and time that would haunt him for days, months, years to come.

Suddenly, a searing pain emanated from near his right shoulder, and Cyrus cried out in pain. But, as suddenly as it had appeared, the pain disappeared. When Cyrus turned to look at his shoulder, there they were. His marks.

_18:04. Tomorrow?_

Tomorrow? Really? Did it have to be a slap in the face kind of word, one with a promise that could never be fulfilled after it was uttered?

Cyrus breathed shakily. He was not ready. And the worst part was, he didn’t know anything about when the words would be uttered, other than the exact time of day. It could be next month, 10 years later. It could be tomorrow for all he knew.

As he gave one last look into the mirror before heading downstairs, he wished for some pity from the universe. And he wished he could never meet his soulmate.


	2. 2.

**_If I’m Being Honest - dodie_ **

“I told you guys, I just don’t want to talk about it,” Cyrus said, trying his best to evade his best friends’ questions.

“That’s not fair! We told you as soon as we got ours!” Andi complained as Buffy nodded vigorously.

“And don’t forget who the first person was to know about. You know what,” Buffy said, her voice dropping to a whisper, her gaze shifting to her left forearm.

Buffy’s soulmate mark. It was different from Cyrus’ and Andi’s because she had already found her soulmate, and the word printed on her wrist had been said only 2 months after her birthday. By Marty.

They had been the perfect pair, always competitive but friendly. Marty didn’t take long to fall for Buffy, but Buffy was hesitant. She wasn’t sure if Marty was her soulmate and she was in no rush to find out. When they talked after going on the fated VR Arcade double date with Andi and Jonah, Marty wanted to be more than just friends.

_“We’re more than halfway.” Marty looked at Buffy from where he stood opposite her on the bridge. They had taken a break from their run to talk about the great day they had at the VR arcade. Well, great for them but not really for Andi and Jonah. Andi had spent the past night needlessly worrying about whether Jonah was mad at her for laughing when he fell. But Buffy and Marty had a ton of fun, being a virtual couple battling it out in alternate universes._

_But Marty was talking about how they would be perfect as a couple, a real one. How they were already more than halfway there. And it scared Buffy a bit._

_“But I like what we have,” Buffy said, walking towards Marty. “We’re Buffy and Marty. We get each other. We’re friends.”_

_As soon as she said those words, she could see the heartbreak in his eyes. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel the same way, she did. But they had time to figure out if they should be together, time to worry about whether they were soulmates. They had time to be friends and time to figure out anything else._

_“And we can joke around, remember? Virtual couple?”_

_They had time, right?_

_“Feels more like virtual nothing.”_

_Those words. Those words are what truly broke their hearts._

_The world didn’t change, the ground didn’t shift under their feet. She wished it had because then she would have realised sooner. But it didn’t._

_It was only when she reached home afterwards and she looked down at her left forearm when she realised. Because the print that was bold and black that morning was now just a pale grey._

_9:13. “Nothing”_

_They wouldn’t have time._

Consoling her afterwards was an uphill battle. What do you even say to someone after having found and lost their soulmate within 2 months of getting the mark? That’s why Buffy made a good point.

Cyrus sighed, rolling up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the word and time. Andi looked at it and gave a sympathetic smile.

“Well at least it isn’t as tragic as mine?” she said, showing the small printed ‘Sorry’ under 16:29.

An uneasy silence settled over the trio, as often the conversations of soulmates did after Buffy’s experience. Cyrus was more than thankful when the bell rang, allowing him to rush off to class, away from the silence and tension.

*

 “Happy Birthday Underdog! A big one, isn’t it?” a voice behind Cyrus came, as he felt arms hugging him from behind. Of course, he knew who it was.

Cyrus turned around, trying his best to meet TJ’s eyes as he beamed down at the shorter boy, while simultaneously trying to calm his racing heart. “Honestly, I could care less. I was not looking forward to it.”

“Soulmate marks huh? Yeah, the stress is unimaginable,” TJ chuckled, sitting down at the desk next to Cyrus. “What is it?”

“Only if you tell me what yours is,” Cyrus countered, knowing full well that TJ has refused this ever since his 14th birthday.

“Touche.”

“Thought as much.”

TJ laughed, his face scrunching up in the way that made Cyrus’ heart melt.

Cyrus was very much aware of his world-ending crush on TJ, and it didn’t fill him with the most joy. But it was impossible not to like him. He was everything Cyrus could ever love, and it didn’t help that he looked like, well, _TJ_ , and Cyrus was just Cyrus. But he knew that more than anything else, TJ was his best friend, and he would never give that up for anything.

Just then, the teacher walked in, calling for silence. Cyrus tried as hard as he could to concentrate on what was being explained, but every so often, a haphazardly torn piece of paper would land on his desk, as TJ kept writing stupid jokes. Example 1:

“What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? DAM.”

Each one got progressively worse, and Cyrus really shouldn’t have found it funny. But he couldn’t help the way he was filled with that feeling of warmth that came from reading those words scrawled across the paper. That is, until he actually read the joke and almost choked trying to stop himself from laughing out loud.

Cyrus looked over at TJ, as he was busy thinking up another terrible pun to entertain and distract him with, and he could only wish one thing from whatever higher power there was in the world.

TJ Kippen shouldn’t be his soulmate. Because he couldn’t stand the thought of ever losing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so my exams are ending in 2 days so my chapters should be longer (hopefully, I'm not the best at that)  
> Hope you guys liked this chapter!


	3. 3.

“I’ll get it!” Cyrus yelled as he ran down the stairs to open the door.

“You came!” he said in excitement, seeing Andi and Buffy armed with popcorn and cold drinks.

“You’re talking as if we haven’t been here since literally yesterday and all we did was go to Andi’s to get popcorn,” Buffy said, laughing at Cyrus’ enthusiasm.

“But it felt like forever,” Cyrus whined jokingly, grabbing the drinks from Andi’s hands, leaving Buffy with the three bags of popcorn.

“Um, hello?! A little help here?”

“Why Buffy? Can’t carry it yourself?” Andi teased, challenging Buffy.

Unable to back down from a challenge, Buffy simply huffed and manoeuvred her way to the kitchen.

“So, who else is coming, Cy?” Buffy asked, setting down the popcorn.

“So Jonah and Libby should be here in about 10 minutes. And Amber said she’ll be coming soon.”

“Amber’s coming?” Andi said, looking up from her phone, in a voice feigning disinterest. She was failing miserably at that.

“Ooh, Amber huh?” Buffy said, bumping her shoulder into Andi’s, clearly enjoying the way the blush was creeping across her cheeks.

“Who else is coming, Cyrus?” Andi asked, trying to change the direction of the conversation.

“Only TJ.” Now it was Cyrus’ turn to be slightly flustered.

The girls immediately went ‘Ooooohh’ and laughed at Cyrus’ face. He was more than happy to open the door to Jonah and Libby.

Within the next half an hour, Amber and TJ also joined them, both arrivals garnering a round of winking and eyebrow-wiggling directed at Andi and Cyrus respectively.

“So what do you guys want to do?” Cyrus asked, also signing his words.

“Dude, it’s your birthday. You should decide!” Jonah replied, with sounds of agreement from everyone.

“Movie marathon and pizza!”

His response was greeted with loud cheers from everyone in the room until Buffy groaned. “You better not put on some documentary about reptiles, Cyrus or else I’ll never talk to you ever again.”

“Hey, I like watching those documentaries with Cy!” TJ replied, to Cyrus’ surprise.

“Sure, it’s the documentaries you like watching,” Buffy muttered, still very much audible. A chorus of ‘Aww’s sent the two boys blushing like crazy.

“The ‘Mamma Mia!’ movies?” Amber suggested after everyone in the room had calmed down a bit.

They all needed just one look at each other before Cyrus ran to the laptop and loaded up the first movie.

They spent the next 4 hours just dancing and singing along to the classics that were ‘Mamma Mia!’ and ‘Mamma Mia!: Here We Go Again’. Cyrus looked around, noticing Andi and Amber sticking close to each other the whole time, Amber occasionally pulling in Andi for a dance. He couldn’t help but smile at the pair. They really were oblivious to the other’s affections. Libby and Jonah just seemed happy in the moment, as Jonah constantly tried to twirl Libby, failing miserably nine times out of ten. Buffy danced along with Cyrus sometimes, occasionally bumping into Jonah and Andi, distracting them. Otherwise, she mostly danced alone, smiling. Cyrus felt kind of bad, knowing that she was wishing Marty were there. He really had tried calling him, but like they had realised. The universe just wouldn’t let the two meet after their last words had been said.

The times when Cyrus wasn’t dancing with Buffy, he was with TJ. It was a surprise he was alive, to be honest. TJ’s hair was messy with all the dancing, and his face just had this smile of just pure, unadulterated joy. Cyrus wanted to look at his smile forever. _That may be creepy, but he couldn’t care much at the moment._

“Hey,” TJ whispered, pulling him aside during one of the scenes. “I got you something for your birthday.”

“Teej, I told you that you didn’t have to…” Cyrus started saying before TJ cut him off.

“I wanted to, okay? Here,” he said, handing Cyrus a paper bag. In it was an adorable soft toy dog with a handmade tag saying ‘Underdog’. And there was also a chocolate chocolate chip muffin.

Cyrus looked up at TJ, and he swore that his heart had melted. Why did TJ Kippen have to be so sweet and sentimental and perfect?

“TJ, I love it! Thank you,” Cyrus exclaimed, hugging TJ tight, keenly aware of his heart going _ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom_ at a million miles per hour.

“I knew you would,” TJ replied, holding him closer.

Cyrus could have stayed there for ages, but a crashing sound made the two jump apart, alerting them that maybe Jonah should not be left near some tables and couches.

*

“Man, I forgot how draining it is dancing for 4 hours,” Amber exclaimed, collapsing into the couch as the credits of the second movie began to roll. The others all followed suit, some falling on top of each other in the process.

“Why Ambs, not got the stamina?” Andi teased, earning a light punch in the shoulder from Amber. Neither meant it, indicated by the looks of utter fondness in their eyes.

“Now what?” Jonah asked, putting an arm around Libby.

“Well,” Buffy said, her voice implying she had a scheme. “We could watch a horror movie…”

“No!” Andi and Cyrus yelled in unison. They were not watching horror movies with Buffy. She always picked the scariest ones, the last one having left them sleepless for a whole month.

“Oh, don’t worry Underdog. I’d protect you from everything,” TJ said, pulling Cyrus to him by the shoulder. Cyrus tried to keep him cool and act normal, but who was he kidding? That was enough to make his heart go crazy.

“Fine, if you wanna suck the fun out of everything.”

“Well, it’s already 10 pm. So we have, what, 5 hours until all of us are asleep?” Andi said.

“We can watch the Hunger Games movies! They’re good, plus we’ve seen them so many times, we might as well watch it another time.” Buffy replied, everyone nodding in agreement.

“Great! I prepared just for this eventuality,” Cyrus said, leaving the room to his friends’ confusion. He returned bearing a huge pile of blankets and pillows.

“Okay guys, here are your options of comforters. Choose wisely, as we won’t be getting up for the next 5 years,” Cyrus announced to the cheers from the group. After everyone had taken their blankets, there was only one left, and TJ and Cyrus had not taken one yet.

“Looks like we’ll have to share,” said TJ, winking at Cyrus. _Oh, he was not going to survive._

“Good luck getting any blanket to yourself, Kippen,” Cyrus said, in a mock-threatening tone.

“We’ll see about that, won’t we Goodman?” TJ replied, his voice dropping low.

Cyrus simply rolled his eyes and sat on the couch, keeping a safe distance between him and TJ.

Oh please. What’s the worst that could happen?

*

It was only halfway through the 3rd movie that TJ noticed that Cyrus had fallen asleep on him, his arm snaked around TJ’s waist. Andi and Amber had fallen asleep, cuddling close. Libby and Jonah were signing and texting to each other. And Buffy was munching on popcorn and hugging her blanket, her concentration solely focused on the movie.

In this quiet moment, TJ snuck a glance at the sleeping boy using him as a pillow. The sight of Cyrus’ calm and peaceful face sent TJ’s heart into a frenzy. He tried to move Cyrus onto the pillow, but if he shifted even an inch, Cyrus just held on tighter. Cyrus looked adorable asleep (well, he looked adorable always, but _especially_ when asleep) and TJ’s massive crush on Cyrus did not help him in the slightest.

After some time, of TJ trying to move Cyrus to no success, he just put his arm around him and continued watching. Eventually, the movie sounds became a lullaby, and the warmth coming from Cyrus holding onto him made TJ incredibly comfortable. Laying his head on top of Cyrus’, he soon fell asleep.

*

Cyrus woke up, slightly disoriented, as he noticed that the movies had stopped playing. He must have fallen asleep while still watching the 3rd one, he realised. He also realised, to his slight horror, that he was clinging onto TJ, who also had his arm around him and was resting his head on Cyrus’. He started, and before he could try and control himself, he felt TJ stir awake.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Cyrus whispered, trying to detach himself from TJ in the process.

“No no, it’s okay,” TJ replied, pulling Cyrus closer. “I don’t mind.”

“What time is it?”

“I don’t know,” TJ said, laughing softly. “My phone’s on the floor, probably out of charge.”

Cyrus lay his head on TJ’s shoulder, calming down a bit after the initial shock of _waking up cuddling TJ Kippen_. “What time do you think it is?” he whispered.

“Well, it’s still dark out, so like 4 I guess?”

Cyrus held TJ, the weird time somehow giving him a burst of courage? Confidence? Stupidity? Whatever it was, it was there. They lay quiet for a while, the only sound they could hear was each other’s breathing. Against his better judgement, Cyrus whispered, “I’m scared.”

TJ straightened up a bit. “About what, Cy?”

“Soulmates.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to meet a person who I think is the one, and when I find out they are, it’s too late.”

“Yeah, I understand. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would you make a person perfect for you, then not have you know until after you’ve lost them forever?”

There was a pause, when TJ asked, “Is there any person you wish is your soulmate?”

Cyrus sighed. “More like the opposite. There is a person who I wish isn’t my soulmate.”

“Oh?” TJ said, his smile coming through his voice. “Do I know them?”

Cyrus looked up at TJ, “Why should I tell you?”

“Come on, Underdog! You have to tell me.”

“Never in your wildest dreams.”

They laughed, but the realisation of the space between them, or lack of, hit them slowly. They were very much in each other’s personal space, but that didn’t matter to them, never had. Prompted by some unexplainable force Cyrus started leaning in ever so slowly and was surprised to see TJ do the same. His gaze flickered down to his lips and the distance between them was closing in and-

“Shoot!” Buffy whisper-screamed, as she fell off the couch. The sound sent TJ and Cyrus jumping apart. “Sorry!” she said, climbing back up.

“I’m just gonna sleep,” Cyrus said, not looking at TJ.

“Y-Yeah, me too,” TJ stammered back, moving to the other side of the couch.

They shared the blanket well enough, and Cyrus lay his head on the back of the couch, but he couldn’t sleep no matter how much he tried. He and TJ had been so close, and if Buffy hadn’t fallen then, who knows what would have happened?

No, he knew exactly what would have happened, and he didn’t know if he was more confused or scared.

*

The next morning, as the group packed up their things and left the Goodman residence, Cyrus still didn’t know what to say to TJ.

“Thanks for coming, Teej,” he said, setting for a simple one.

“No problem, Underdog. I had fun,” TJ replied, his eyes attempting to avoid Cyrus’.

“I’ll see you in school then?”

TJ nodded and walked away as Cyrus went into his house. He turned around and looked at TJ one last time, still confused about the events of the previous night. Shaking his head, he went back into his house.

A few moments later, TJ turned to look back at Cyrus just as he closed the door, emotions running fast through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter! I’m trying my hardest to keep a regular schedule so bear with me for a while!


	4. 4.

_**Fear and Loathing - Marina and the Diamonds** _

It had been a couple of days since Cyrus’ birthday, and he was still confused. Well, confused was an understatement. He still had no idea what had happened that night. The memory still had a 4 am hazy feel about it, but there was no mistaking its reality. That had happened. He and TJ were on the couch and they had almost kissed. That should have sent Cyrus jumping in glee. The possibility that his crush liked him back? It seemed perfect. So it was unexpected when it left Cyrus with nothing but a deep sense of dread and fear. He walked into school that Monday with one thought in his mind. _He couldn’t face TJ._

Was he being irrational and anxious for no reason? Possibly. But that moment with TJ on the couch was terrifying. Terrifying because of how much he was drawn to him, how he was prompted by some mysterious force within his soul to lean in further, to push the boundaries. That force scared him. Because no way was it just his crush. It was too strong.

And he didn’t want to consider the other possibility in the slightest.

_TJ Kippen couldn’t be his soulmate. He wouldn’t be._

Maybe avoidance wasn’t the best strategy. But would that stop Cyrus from doing just that? Hell no.

Avoiding TJ was harder that Cyrus could have expected. He was not aware of how their lives were intertwined until he tried to disentangle himself. He spent the next few days taking alternate routes to his classes that didn’t involve passing TJ’s locker and averting his eyes every time he noticed TJ looking for him in crowds. It killed him, really it did. But Cyrus consoled himself, telling himself this was self-protection. He was just sparing them both from immense pain.

_This is for the best. I’m just protecting myself._

Of course, he couldn’t do this for too long without one of his friends noticing. Buffy caught him one day and pulled him aside. “Why are you avoiding TJ?” she asked, her voice indignant.

“What? No, I’m not avoiding him.” _Nice one, Cyrus. Totally you aren’t._

Buffy scoffed at his pathetic attempt of denial. “Oh yeah, you aren’t. So, you haven’t at all been looking away and leaving the room when he walks in looking for you or taking longer routes to class to miss him?”

Cyrus sighed, and turned away from Buffy. “It’s nothing, Buffy. Can we just drop it?”

“No, we can’t,” Buffy said, grabbing Cyrus’ arm and spinning him around to face her. “Cyrus, TJ is the one person you never avoid. Something’s wrong. What happened?”

“Nothing! So can you just stop interrogating me? You don’t have to know everything,” Cyrus snapped, walking away from Buffy annoyed. He really hadn’t meant to snap at her. But her question was just something he didn’t want to answer.

While he walked away, he ran into someone head-on. _Of course, first glass doors, now people? Good job, Cyrus._

“I’m sorry,” Cyrus said, stopping when he saw who he ran into. _TJ._

TJ just looked at him, as if he wanted to say something, but he was struggling to find the words. Before he found them, Cyrus pushed through the crowd and walked away as fast as he could.

He didn’t need to look back to see the look of hurt on TJ’s face. He’d rather not have more of TJ haunting him.

*

“Hey, Jonah!”

Jonah turns around to see TJ running up to him. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t been sleeping well.

“Hey TJ, what’s up?” Jonah asked, confused and concerned.

TJ ran a hand nervously through his hair. “Has Cyrus spoken to you since his birthday? He’s been avoiding me in school all the time.”

Cyrus hadn’t spoken to TJ? That did not seem right. At all. Jonah had spoken to Cyrus, but he wasn’t going to bring it up and make TJ feel worse. He wasn’t dumb.

“Why would Cyrus do that? Doesn’t sound like him.”

TJ bit his lip. “I have an idea, but I’m not sure.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

TJ seemed hesitant, so Jonah quickly added, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I trust you, Jonah.”

Jonah smiled slightly, happy that TJ trusted him. He was glad Cyrus had helped them reconcile. Since that day, he and TJ had hung out more, not all their meetings ending in great decisions, but all fun nonetheless.

TJ fiddled with his bag straps as he seemed to think over his words. “At the sleepover,” he said, his voice low. “Around 4 am, Cyrus and I were talking and.”

“And?”

“We almost kissed,” TJ said, in what was practically a whisper.

“Oh,” Jonah said, realising what TJ probably was thinking. “So, you think Cyrus is avoiding you because of that?”

TJ nodded slowly.

“Look, dude,” Jonah said, trying to reassure TJ. “Cyrus wouldn’t avoid you over that. Trust me.”

“So then why is he?” TJ asked, unable to wrap his mind around the situation.

Jonah just shrugged, unable to help TJ. He had no idea what was up, but anyone with half a brain cell knew that Cyrus couldn’t make himself willingly avoid TJ. Something was up. And he didn’t know what.

“It’ll be okay, dude,” Jonah said, holding onto TJ’s shoulder.

“I hope so.”

*

After another run-in with Buffy with a firm talking-to, Cyrus knew he had to talk to TJ. It was unfair, leaving the other boy in the dark. Plus, he missed him. Way too much. He owed TJ an explanation. And he knew where he would find him. Andi told him that he had been going to the swings as often as he could, presumably waiting for Cyrus. That made Cyrus smile a bit. After everything, the swings were still their place.

Cyrus headed there after school was out, strengthening his resolve with every step. He had no idea what he would tell TJ because there was no way he could tell him the real reason he was avoiding him. _He’d figure it out. He would._

When the swings came into his sight, he spotted the unmistakable figure of TJ sitting on one of the swings, his head down. His shoulders were drooped. He looked exhausted. It sent a pang of regret into Cyrus’ heart. He had caused that by avoiding him. But he could stop him feeling sad by just going u to him and talking.

Cyrus was ready, he would just go up to TJ and just talk to him, and they could go back to how they used to be. Everything would be normal. Cyrus had almost reached TJ when he glanced down at his watch.

6:00 pm.

_Oh no, he couldn’t be around anyone, especially not TJ at that time. He couldn’t risk it. He wouldn’t risk it._

Cyrus could feel the panic build up in him at the possibility of what would happen if he went up to TJ and when they parted, the words on his shoulder would be grey. No. He couldn’t even think about that. He couldn’t risk losing TJ so soon. As quietly as he could, he turned around and walked away, trying not to alert TJ of his presence.

It killed him to leave TJ looking so sad and alone on the swings, but Cyrus told himself he was protecting them both. He would talk to him soon. But not then. Not at that time.

As he walked away, Cyrus promised himself something.

_He had to keep his distance from TJ. Especially at that time. It was better that way because that way, no one gets hurt. No one gets hurt._

_No one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you thinkkk


	5. 5.

**_Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens_ **

It was starting to become stupid, obsessive even.

Cyrus had to slightly modify his regular routine to account for his new behaviour. Earlier, he would wait for TJ at the gates after school from where they would either head to the Spoon with the rest of the group, or on days when TJ had work, Cyrus would accompany him to the gym and stay till his shift ended. Now, as soon as the bell rang for the end of the day, Cyrus would gather his things with lightning speed and rush home, steering clear of TJ’s locker, unless he ran into him on the way. On those occasions, they would walk in awkward silence till the gate. TJ at first would desperately try to make conversation, but eventually just stopped trying. Cyrus would use any momentary distraction to turn in the other direction and walk away. It still took every ounce of willpower to not look back at him.

On those rare occasions when they did meet before Cyrus could make his escape, the unsaid words between them settled uneasily as if both of them wished to reach out and say something, but for some reason, none could find the right words.

Finally, one day, TJ couldn’t handle it anymore. As soon as the bell rang, he ran to Cyrus’ locker and grabbed him by the elbow, startling Cyrus out of his thoughts.

“Can we please talk?” he asked, his voice shaky. He wasn’t looking Cyrus in the eye, afraid of seeing hatred, or worse, apathy in them.

Cyrus forced himself to look up from his shoes at TJ. Instantly, he noticed the difference in his demeanour. Where earlier there was a snarky confident boy, was now one who’s form screamed worry and hesitation. And sadness. And Cyrus was probably the reason. Sighing, knowing he couldn’t run forever (though he tried damn hard), he simply nodded.

They walked down to the swings, but neither of them sat down. They stood around, the silence between them getting louder and louder. Cyrus shifted his weight from foot to foot, unsure of what to say. But before he could find something, TJ spoke up.

“Look, Cyrus. I’m sorry, okay?” he said, his eyes trained to the ground.

Cyrus looked at him in confusion.  _Well that was unexpected._  “Sorry for what?”

“At your house. For almost kissing you. It was in the heat of the moment, and I know I shouldn’t have done anything. But, I just didn’t think of what would happen after. And now look. I pushed our friendship too far. And I’ve ruined it, haven’t I? You can’t even bear to talk to me anymore. Like I said, classic TJ. Anything good I gotta ruin it.”

TJ’s voice seemed shaky, as if he was desperately trying to hold in tears. Cyrus wanted to say something, but he just stood there transfixed.

“I know you probably hate me. Which sucks, because I like you. God, I like you so much, Cyrus and you have no clue. I’ve liked you since the time I heard you sing that adorable song right here at these swings. You’re one of the most important people in my life. And now I’ve blown it.”

With that, TJ turned to leave, wiping away some stray tears. But as he started to walk away, he heard Cyrus say something.

“TJ.” It was soft, barely louder than a whisper.

Cyrus steadied his breath walking up to the other boy, turning him so that they faced each other. TJ still kept his gaze trained to the ground, still avoiding Cyrus’ eyes so Cyrus just grabbed his face and made him look at him.

TJ looked so scared and small, like he was too scared and ashamed to look Cyrus in the eye. The only other time he had ever seen him look like that was when Cyrus was walking away from him and his friends after Reed pulled out a gun. He hated when TJ looked like that, he didn’t deserve it.

Cyrus looked up at TJ and said softly, “I don’t hate you, TJ. How could I? I just, I can’t believe it. It’s never really happened before.”

TJ furrowed his eyebrows. “What has never happened before?”

Cyrus gave him a small smile. “That I guy I like has liked me back.”

It took him a few seconds to completely register what Cyrus had just said, but when he did TJ eyes widened, making Cyrus giggle.

“You, I, what?”

Cyrus, wrapped his hands around TJ’s neck, a smile on his face. “I like you too, TJ.”

As he said those words, TJ’s face lit up in a smile brighter than the sun in summer. He chuckled, wrapping his hands around Cyrus’ waist, pulling him closer into a hug.

“Well, you could have given a guy a warning! I spent all this time thinking you hated me!”

“I’m sorry. I was just going through something. But I’m here now.”

“I’m glad you are.”

They smiled, completely content in that moment. After some time, they sat down on the swings, neither really swinging, but just swaying, occasionally sneaking glances at each other. In the middle, their pinkies were linked together.

“So, what was it, Underdog?” TJ asked, breaking the now-comfortable silence.

“What was what, Teej?”

“What made you fall for me? Was it my handsome face or my impeccable athletic abilities?”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t your taste in fashion.”

“Ouch,” TJ said, miming the impact of a bullet. “You wound me, Muffin.”

“Muffin, huh?” Cyrus teased, his voice light and playful.

“Yeah, seemed appropriate. Wow, I have so many great nicknames for you. How many do you have?”

“Well, I’ll have you know,” Cyrus started, glancing down at his watch. He froze.

5:59.

_No no no no._

“Um, hey, on second thoughts, can I do a raincheck? It’s just, I have to go. Homework. Errands. I uh, just have to go,” Cyrus said, fumbling over his words as he attempted to gather his things in a hurry.

“Wait, Cyrus,” TJ tried to say, in an attempt to catch hold of Cyrus’ hand. But Cyrus was surprisingly fast, running in the direction of his house at record speed.  _Wow, Coach would be proud._

That was close.

*

Cyrus spent a good half an hour recovering from his impromptu sprint from the park. His body was not built for exercise, and it made no qualms in reminding him of that fact. After the room stopped spinning and his stomach no longer felt like an underground rave, he reached for his phone to see texts from TJ.

 **Teej:** hey, u ok?

 **Teej:** im kinda worried cy

 **Teej:** call?

Cyrus hesitated a bit before he pressed the ‘Call’ button, unsure of how he was going to explain himself to the other boy. But he reassured himself.  _TJ would understand if you didn’t want to say anything. Of course he would._

“Hey,” TJ picked up, his voice laced with concern.

“Hey, Teej. Sorry for ‘Cinderella-ing’ it out of there. I just remembered that I had, uh a thing that I needed to help my mom with. I’m really sorry, I was just worried about being late” Cyrus explained, trying his best to seem convincing.

TJ laughed at his description of how he left, instantly lifting Cyrus’ mood. “It’s okay, Underdog. You seem busy around 6-ish anyway these days. Don’t worry, I have work around 5:45 now, so we can hang out at other times, okay?”

Cyrus smiled to himself, knowing exactly what was happening. TJ knew there was something going on, but he wasn’t pushing. He never did, if Cyrus made it clear he didn’t want to talk about it just then. He was making adjustments, understanding what Cyrus needed without him having to even say a word about it.  _God, he liked that doof so much. Damn._

“Thank you, TJ.”

“Hey, no need for that.”

They sat in silence again, a common but not unwelcome occurrence. Until TJ broke it.

“Hey, Muffin?”

That new nickname still caught Cyrus by surprise, making his heart skip ten beats. “Yeah?”

“You can tell me anything, okay? But if you don’t want to, I’ll still like you, okay?”

“Okay,” Cyrus said, imagining the other boy also lying in bed, probably playing with that stupid toy basketball of his that he still kept from 5th Grade.

“Sooooo,” TJ said, his voice taking a flirty tone.

“Yes?” Cyrus replied, his voice equally teasing.

“Does this mean that you, the one and only Cyrus Goodman, would do me the honour of gracing me with a date?”

“It certainly does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did i hate this lol i’m sorry if it isn’t as good i’ve been getting headaches all day today sorryyy


	6. 6.

**_come out and play - billie eilish_ **

_Well, this was getting ridiculous,_ Cyrus thought to himself, deciding to change his shirt for the third time in half an hour. He had to look as good as he could, while also keeping the outfit appropriate to the activities they were doing.

Snapping another picture of his new outfit, he sent it to his group chat with Andi and Buffy.

 **Cyrus:** guys im freakin out

 **Buffy:** not this again

 **Andi:** cyrus tj wont care what ur wearing

 **Andi:**  hes probably freaking out about ur date rn

 **Buffy:**  exactly cy

 **Buffy:** now will you just choose a goddam outfit n get ur man

 **Cyrus:** ok ok just one more

 **Buffy:** CYRUS GOODMAN DON’T YOU DARE

 **Andi:** sry buffy u gotta deal with him alone. im hanging out with amber

 **Cyrus:** ooooooooooh

 **Buffy:** amber huh nice nice andi

 **Andi:** …….

 **Andi:** i hate u guys

Cyrus laughed quietly, shaking his head slightly.  _Oh Andi. Not realising how obvious her crush on Amber was._ Not that Cyrus had any grounds to say anything to her on that. Cyrus sighed and went and grabbed another shirt, changing for what was now the fourth time.

He was acting stupid, he knew that. TJ wouldn’t care what he wore, but Cyrus did, and he wanted to look perfect for their first date. They were going to Adrenaline City, surprisingly Cyrus’ choice. He had been afraid to go on the new rollercoaster, mostly because he and heights really did not mix, Well, he and heights and loops and being upside down. But he had his motion sickness patches! And TJ would be there.

Cyrus smiled to himself, thinking about TJ. He was one of the only people who could convincingly talk Cyrus down from his fear spirals and calm him down. TJ always believed in him, no matter what. And he had helped him do so many things he never imagined he could ever do, like somersaults and even dirt biking. And those were their best moments together, Cyrus glancing towards the white ‘S’ shirt from their ‘Summer-salt’ costume, his heart soaring at the memory of that Costume Day.

He was so lucky.

Of course, there was a little voice in the back of his mind, reminding him about  _the thing_ , but Cyrus pushed it away. He wasn’t going to worry today. Besides, he’d make sure to be home before 5:30 pm just to be safe.

His phone chimed, a text from TJ telling him he was outside. Cyrus practically tripped and fell down the stairs to reach the door. Outside, he saw TJ standing, wearing a green shirt with a black jacket.  _He looked so good, death was just inevitable, wasn’t it._

“Wow, TJ. I didn’t know you owned anything other than hoodies or basketball shirts,” Cyrus said, running up to the boy.

“Ouch, Underdog. Bullet after bullet. Is my fashion really that bad?” TJ said, faking offence.

Cyrus just remained silent, giggling at the way TJ’s face morphed into one of shock as he lightly punched Cyrus in the shoulder.

“Wait, what? I thought you liked my style!”

“Liked is a strong word,” Cyrus replied, still giggling. TJ tried to fake anger but failed miserably, soon collapsing into laughter with Cyrus.

“So, shall we?” Cyrus asked, holding out his hand to TJ after they both had calmed down.

“I thought you’d never ask.” TJ replied, slipping his hand into Cyrus’.

Cyrus never expected holding TJ’s hand would feel so normal. Like it was something he was always meant to do. Like it was natural. They swung their hands slightly as they walked in comfortable silence, both constantly sneaking glances at each other. Often they would catch the other staring and look away, blushing messes. God, they were such saps.

Somehow, he just knew that he was going to have the best day of his life.

*

“Okay, TJ, I changed my mind. I really don’t wanna go on it,” Cyrus said, trying to turn around in fear.

“Come on, Cy. What is it scaring you? Is it the 7 loops or the fact that the ride is named ‘Death Trap’?” TJ joked, holding onto Cyrus so he couldn’t run away.

“Oh haha, very funny. Easy for a fearless athlete like you to be like this.”

“Hey,” TJ said, smiling brightly at Cyrus. “I’m right here, I’ll protect you.”

“Pinky promise?” Cyrus said, holding out his right pinky. “And I don’t care if we look like dorks.”

TJ laughed softly, linking his pinky with Cyrus’. “Promise. And I don’t mind looking like a dork if it’s with you.”

_Can this boy try not to give Cyrus a heart attack for once in his life?_

They went up to the booth, pinkies still linked, Cyrus feeling significantly less panicked and scared. And while he was scared out of his mind throughout the duration of the ride, with his hand firmly clasped with TJ’s, it wasn’t so bad.

*

After Cyrus’ stomach finally stopped doing somersaults, the two boys walked around the park, occasionally bumping into each other’s shoulders. They were currently having a very serious debate over whether chocolate chocolate chip muffins were better than blueberry macadamia ones. And it was no surprise who was on which side.

“How can you deny the absolute decadence of biting into a chocolate chocolate chip muffin? It’s a chocolate cake, and chocolate chips thrown in!” Cyrus argued.

“But how can you say that to the incredible fruity burst of flavour of blueberries and the crunch of macadamia nuts? How Cyrus how?” TJ replied, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

There was a moment of silence when they just looked into each other’s eyes, before collapsing into laughter.

“You know, this is probably the best date I have ever been on,” Cyrus said, as they continued walking.

TJ looked at him with an expression of amusement and fondness. “Yeah?”

Cyrus nodded, a smile creeping up on his face.

“Glad I could be of service,” TJ said, his face slowly turning red.

“Well, of course.”

They walked for a while, talking about nothing in particular when they passed by the ring toss games. Cyrus desperately hoped that TJ wouldn’t notice them, but when has his luck ever been incredible?

“Hey, we should try these! I bet we can win that teddy bear,” TJ said, excitedly running over to the stall.

“Hurray,” Cyrus said in a flat voice, as he watched TJ run up excitedly to the counter.

This was going to be a disaster.

*

“This is impossibly embarrassing,” Cyrus groaned, hitting his head on the table of the stall. He had been trying for the past 15 minutes to try and even reach the bottles but to no success.

TJ just laughed, holding a giant teddy bear he had won for Cyrus on his first try. “Don’t worry, Underdog. This is quite fun to watch.”

Cyrus simply glared at him, no malice behind his eyes of course. “This isn’t fair, you’re an incredible championship-winning athlete and I walk into glass doors and fall while skateboarding. The playing fields are on two different planets.”

Pouting at him, TJ asked, “Do you want my help?”

“Nope. No. Nuh uh. I’m doing this.”

“Okay,” TJ backed off, holding his hands up. “Just know that Bear and I,” TJ said, holding up the teddy bear, “Are rooting for you.”

_Will there ever come a day when TJ Kippen doesn’t induce heart attacks with his soft words? No. The answer is no._

Cyrus squinted his eyes and was about to take aim when he heard TJ chuckle. “Okay, you’re doing it wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your stance is off. Here,” he said, walking up behind Cyrus. Suddenly, Cyrus felt arms wrapping around his waist. And he swore at that moment, he stopped breathing. And thinking. And living. Honestly, he just ascended to another plane of existence.

“You need to keep your balance on the back foot,” TJ whispered into Cyrus’ ear, helping adjust his position.

Cyrus could barely hum in response, his heart was beating so fast.

“And you need to keep your arm this way,” TJ continued, holding Cyrus’ hand and guiding his arm into the correct position.  _There was no way TJ didn’t know what he was playing at. That sucker._

“Okay,” Cyrus choked out.

TJ laughed quietly, backing away from Cyrus. Much to the chagrin of Cyrus.

“Now, don’t use too much energy, okay?”

Cyrus focused, and threw the ring. It felt like it was going in slow motion, and everything around him had stopped. And then, by some miracle, it landed on a bottle.

“YES!” Cyrus cheered, jumping up in excitement as the employee handed him a giant purple T Rex.

“Cyrus, I knew you could do it!” TJ yelled, pulling in Cyrus for a hug. It was kind of hard with a giant stuffed dinosaur in the middle, but they made it work.

“I never stopped thinking you could,” TJ said, turning to kiss Cyrus on the forehead. And Cyrus gave apples a run for their money with how red he knew he was turning.

“You never do,” Cyrus said, holding onto TJ’s hand. “Well, I believe this is yours, Not-So-Scary Basketball Guy,” Cyrus said, presenting TJ with the T Rex.

“And this is yours, Muffin,” said TJ, handing Cyrus the teddy bear.

“Still going with Muffin?” Cyrus asked, his eyes gleaming.

“Yeah, just feels right,” TJ said, looking at his feet.

“I love it,” Cyrus replied, placing a quick kiss to TJ’s cheek, leaving the boy a stuttering and fumbling mess for a solid 5 minutes afterwards.

“I’m glad.”

*

5 rides, 2 cotton candies and a throwing-up scare later, Cyrus and TJ were still roaming around Adrenaline City, constantly threading their fingers together as they walked.

“Maybe we should head back,” Cyrus said, looking up at the greying sky. “Looks like it's about to rain.”

“Maybe we should,” TJ replied, following his gaze.

They stood in place for a while, neither one having any inclination to leave anytime soon.

“We aren’t leaving, are we?”

“Only after we are drenched to the bone will we think about it.”

The two boys started laughing, Cyrus holding onto TJ’s shoulder. When it died down, they looked into each other’s eyes. Cyrus was keenly aware of the tension, and he began to lean in slowly. He could feel TJ doing the same.  _They were so close_ , Cyrus thought, noticing the many freckles on TJ’s face, and how his eyes seemed to glow.  _So. Close. Oh. My. God._

Just then, Cyrus’ phone began ringing in his pocket, startling the two, Cyrus inwardly groaning. When Cyrus saw the caller ID, however, he was surprised to see the name ‘Slayer’.

Why was Buffy calling him?

“Hey Buffy, what’s up?”

“Cyrus, can you come to Andi Shack? Like right now?” Buffy asked, her voice panic-stricken.

“Wait, Buffy what happened? I’m with TJ right now,” Cyrus said, growing more concerned by the second.  _What was going on?_

“It’s okay he can come too. Just please.”

A moment of silence. Then, in a broken whisper, almost inaudible to Cyrus.

“It’s Andi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the fluffiest thing i have ever written omg.   
> anyway, guys im going out of town where there is no WiFi for 6 days so, rip and remember me. so updates will resume after 6th April!


	7. 7.

**_Rewrite the Stars - Zendaya and Zac Efron_ **

Andi looked broken.

Cyrus and TJ practically ran to Andi Shack, opening the door to see Andi crouched over, hiding her face in her knees. Buffy had her arm wrapped around her shoulder, only looking up when the door opened. That sight alone broke Cyrus’ heart, leaving him with a sense of despair.

“What happened, Buffy?”

“Well, I-”

“I know who’s my soulmate,” Andi cut in, her voice hoarse.

“What? How do you know? That’s only possible if,” Cyrus said, his words trailing off as the realisation hit him.  _Oh no. Oh god._

“Andi,” Cyrus whispered, huddling close to Andi, wrapping his hand around her other shoulder.

“Andi, I’m so sorry,” TJ said, moving to sit beside Cyrus as he grabbed her hand.

“It was Amber. She’s my soulmate. Of course, she is. We were hanging out today and while walking back, we were having a debate about which ice cream flavour is the best. I know, so stupid,” she said, noting the slight smile on Buffy’s face.

_“Mint chocolate chip is obviously the best,” Andi said, looking over at Amber as they walked back, hand in hand._

_“Uh, I think not? Definitely not if butterscotch exists,” Amber replied, smiling at Andi._

_Andi couldn’t believe her luck. There she was, walking with arguably one of the most beautiful girls in the world, who also happened to like her back? It was all so perfect. But of course, there was a catch. Always was._

_“I mean, yeah. Sure. Butterscotch is great. But mint chocolate chip!”_

_“I don’t even really like mint choco chip.”_

_That made Andi turn abruptly, her face one of mock offence._

_“You don’t like the most incredible ice cream flavour to ever exist? Amber how could you?”_

_“Hey! Don’t blame me for being human!”_

_The two laughed as Andi reached her door. As she opened it, she leaned in and gave Amber a kiss on the cheek, sending the other girl blushing deeply._

_“So,” Amber started, her voice low. “Do you think we could do this again sometime?”_

_Andi smiled softly, unable to believe her incredible luck. “Only if you admit mint chocolate chip is the superior flavour.”_

_“Never!”_

_Andi gasped, holding her hand to her chest in classic dramatic fashion. “How can I ever be with someone who doesn’t like mint chocolate chip?”_

_As Amber walked away, she lifted her arms and yelled, “I’m sorry!” as she ran down the street._

_“Sure!” Andi called back, excited to see the girl the next day._

_It would never come._

“I only realised it 10 minutes later.”

Andi showed the three her wrist. The word and numbers which used to be a solid black were now just a soft grey. Cyrus and Buffy rested their heads on Andi’s shoulders and TJ gave her hand a comforting squeeze. They sat like that in silence, only interrupted by Andi’s choked sobs.

“Well, one good thing came from this,” Andi said, looking at Buffy, whose eyes were filled up, tears threatening to fall. “You’re not alone anymore, Buffy.”

That statement broke Buffy, and she and Andi clung onto each other, both sobbing uncontrollably. TJ and Cyrus sat there, trying to comfort them. They just held each other, letting the two girls cry. Just then, Bex walked in, carrying a whole pizza.

“Hey Andi, here you go. And so you know, I’m here when you’re ready to talk, okay?” she said, setting down the pizza. She kissed Andi’s forehead, and left, not without giving one last concerned glance back.

All the while, Cyrus’ head was spinning. All the lightness and happiness he felt from his day with TJ melted away, leaving ugly fear and terror in its place. The thing he had been trying to beat back with all his might ever since getting close to TJ, the thing that made his nights since his birthday sleepless, he had almost forgotten it. But now, it came back, its claws wrapping themselves around his heart, making it pound in his chest.  He, Buffy and TJ stayed for a while, at least until Andi’s sobs reduced to simply tears streaming down her face. She and Buffy just held onto each other, while Cyrus and TJ just comforted the two. After a while, Andi and Buffy decided to go back inside, carrying the pizza with them. Cyrus and TJ decided to leave them to it, walking from Andi’s house back home. The weather outside had worsened, what started as a light drizzle was a steady downpour.

They walked in silence, neither having an umbrella. They were both getting drenched. This time, the silence was tense. TJ sensed something was wrong with Cyrus but he couldn’t see what. And it bothered him that he couldn’t help him.

A few more minutes of silence and TJ just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong, Underdog? Please? I can’t stand seeing you this way.”

“What are you talking about?” Cyrus said, his voice tense, as he stopped to turn to TJ.

“Like this! You’ve been tense after we left Andi Shack, and you aren’t even talking to me! And I don’t know what to do!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

TJ groaned, running his fingers through his hair. “Cyrus, please. Just talk to me. You trust me right?”

The way TJ said those words really hit Cyrus, but he tried to steel his nerves. He was just further reminded of the fact that any day, TJ could say the word on his left shoulder, and would leave, never to return. He had to protect himself.

“TJ, I, I can’t do this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This!” Cyrus exclaimed, gesturing to the both of them. “I can’t do this! I can’t risk getting close to you in that way. Because then that means that if one day, you leave, you may never come back!”

TJ remained silent, in shock. Cyrus didn’t notice and continued.

“This whole soulmate thing is bullshit! Because ever since my birthday, ever since I got my marks, I haven’t stopped worrying. I can’t deal with ever having to find out who my soulmate is, only to never see them or talk to them ever again. I can’t do goodbyes. Especially with you.”

Cyrus’ voice broke, tears that he had held back at Andi’s starting to flow.  His tears mixed with the rain falling on his face.

“That’s why I keep running from you. I don’t even want to imagine saying goodbye to you, TJ. So, I have to do this. I have to go.”

TJ couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  _Cyrus was scared of losing him._  That hit him hard, as he knew his one fear was losing Cyrus. He couldn’t even think about that ever happening. The rain filled the silence between them, Cyrus heaving, trying to control his sobs.

“Cyrus,” TJ said tentatively, stepping forward. “You won’t lose me, okay? I’m right here.”

Cyrus started to shake his head and walk away, but TJ grabbed his hand and pulled Cyrus to him, lifting his head by his chin. “Hey, hey. You are so important to me. You think you’re the only one with a fear? Of course not, Cyrus. I’m scared too. And you know what I’m scared of?”

Cyrus looked timidly at TJ, seeing the way the boy was growing increasingly nervous.

“I’m scared of losing you. God, that’s the worst thought ever, losing you. I can’t even bear to think about it. I care about you, I always want you in my life. And I like you so much. We will never have to say goodbye, okay?”

Cyrus just looked at him, the rain slightly clouding his vision.

TJ put both his hands on Cyrus’ cheeks. “I’m right here.”

Cyrus let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. They realised soon the space between them was minuscule. Cyrus’ heart began to beat fast, his mind forgetting all fears as he felt only one thing at that moment.

TJ began to move slightly. “Cyrus, I-”

But before he could move, Cyrus grabbed his face and connected their lips.

It was perfect. There may not have been fireworks, but the warmth that spread through Cyrus’ heart as he held onto TJ, kissing him, was everything he could have ever imagined. He had always wanted to kiss the person he liked in the rain, and he was so glad it was TJ. TJ was initially caught by surprise, but soon wrapped his hands around Cyrus’ waist, pulling him even closer if possible. They kissed for what felt like an eternity, the rain pouring around them. It felt like a century had passed until they had to pull away for air.

AS they pulled away, they started giggling, and hugged. They held onto each other as if they were all they had. And as the rain fell down around them, Cyrus heard TJ whisper in his ear, “I’ve got you, Muffin.”

And he knew that it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zoinkers we are on the homestretch people. only 3 more chapters to go.
> 
> hope you guys liked this chapter! its easily my favourite chapter i have written for this fic. hope you like it!


	8. 8.

**_Saturn - Sleeping At Last_ **

**One year later**

“We should really stop watching it.”

“We should.”

“So. Next episode then?”

“You bet,” Cyrus said, grabbing the remote off the table and loading up the next episode of the show. TJ reached to the other side to grab the remaining popcorn, accidentally nailing Cyrus is the head with his elbow. Cyrus just turned around and glared at his boyfriend, while TJ held up his hands in surrender, trying as hard as he could to control his laughter.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this, TJ. Did our relationship mean nothing to you?” Cyrus said, dramatically turning around and moving to the opposite end of the couch, crossing his hands and pouting.

TJ finally let out a laugh, sliding to Cyrus’ side of the couch to wrap his arms around his waist. “I’m sorry, Muffin. It was an accident! It’ll never happen again.”

Cyrus just huffed, turning away from TJ, trying to escape his embrace. TJ sighed, an idea sparking in his head.

“Cyrus, please forgive me. I don’t wanna do this,” he said sneakily, positioning his hands around Cyrus’ waist.

“Wait, what are you going to do-” Cyrus started but what interrupted by TJ tickling him. Cyrus began to giggle desperately tried to leave the couch but to no success.

“TJ, oh my god, please! You know I am weakened by tickling!”

“But you haven’t forgiven me!”

“Okay, okay! I forgive you, I forgive you!”

With that, TJ stopped tickling Cyrus, a smug grin on his face. He wasn’t victorious for long though, because Cyrus immediately tackled him and the two of them fell off the couch, landing on the floor in a heap. This just made the two laugh even more, so much that their stomachs started to hurt.

“God, I love you, TJ,” Cyrus said without thinking. As soon as he realised what he said, he smacked his hand on his mouth in shock. TJ turned his head, eyes wide at Cyrus’ words.

“Y-Yeah?” TJ asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper, soft and hopeful.

 _This wasn’t how it was supposed to go,_ Cyrus thought to himself, but at that moment, he realised that it didn’t matter. Because it was true. And he didn’t want it to happen any other way.

“Yeah. I love you, TJ. Probably doomed to that fate ever since we talked on the swings for the first time all that time ago,” Cyrus said, grabbing TJ’s hand, his voice shaky. “Remember, a year ago, when I told you I was scared of getting close to someone? It was stupid.”

TJ kept listening, all his attention focussed on Cyrus, a small smile on his lips.

“Because I could never be afraid of getting close to you, TJ Kippen.”

TJ’s eyes filled up, as he smiled at Cyrus. He brought Cyrus’ hand to his lips, kissing it and saying, “I love you too, Cyrus. How could I not? How could I ever even think about not loving the beautiful Cyrus Goodman?”

Cyrus also smiled wide, his eyes also filling up. They moved closer to each other, both leaning into a kiss, filled with all the love they could muster. When they pulled away, Cyrus started laughing.

“What is it, Underdog?” TJ asked, unable to keep the happiness away from his voice.

“I just realised we are such a cliché couple,” Cyrus laughed.

“And why is that?”

“We told each other ‘I love you’ on our one year anniversary!”

This sent even TJ laughing, as the two leaned on each other in an attempt to get back on the couch. They sat down, Cyrus cuddled close to TJ, his head on his chest, as TJ played the next episode of the show they were watching.

“Honestly, we win when it comes to anniversaries,” TJ said, stroking Cyrus’ hair. “Brooklyn Nine Nine, popcorn, and ‘I love you’? This is the best day of my life.”

Cyrus hummed in agreement, leaning into TJ’s touch.

“But then again, every day I get to spend with someone as amazing as you is the best day of my life.”

Cyrus looked up at TJ, his eyes fond. “Okay, this isn’t fair. You don’t just get to reference Jake Peralta at me and expect me to be okay, Teej.”

TJ laughed, pulling Cyrus closer to press a kiss to his forehead. “I can’t help myself, Muffin. It’s true.”

Cyrus, too, began laughing, wrapping his arms around TJ’s waist, pulling himself closer to him as the kept watching, sharing popcorn. Occasionally, they would also try to toss the popcorn into each other’s mouths. They failed miserably every time.

“You know, for the basketball captain, you sure have terrible aim,” Cyrus joked after TJ had missed for the fifth time in a row.

“Hey,” TJ said, moving back. “I’d like to see you try and do it.”

“And what will you do if I do it?”

TJ paused to think for a while and said, “I will pay for all your baby taters and milkshakes for the next year.”

Cyrus’ eyes lit up. “Challenge accepted.” He took a popcorn kernel, and with more concentration and intensity than he had ever devoted to something even vaguely sport related, Cyrus aimed and it landed in TJ’s mouth.

“Yes!” Cyrus cheered, jumping off the couch. “I actually did it!”

TJ tried to act upset, but he couldn’t control his smile at seeing his boyfriend act so cute. “I’m trying to be mad, but I can’t when I’m eating popcorn and you’re acting cute.”

Cyrus smirked at TJ. “Looks like you’re gonna have to pay now.”

TJ groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “Oh god, this is horrible.”

“Oh shut up, you love me.”

“What would I do if I didn’t?” TJ said, sighing with a smile.

*

A few hours later, they were still on the couch, now watching a movie. Cyrus was resting his head on TJ’s chest, playing with their hands. TJ was using his other hand to stroke Cyrus’ hair lazily.

“You know,” Cyrus said. “I did ask Buffy, Andi and Jonah to come hang out too.”

“Yeah, why didn’t they?” TJ asked, looking down at Cyrus.

Cyrus looked up. “They were all like, ‘Who hangs out with friends on your anniversary?’ and stuff. Anyway, Jonah had plans with Libby.”

“They’re still going strong, huh?”

“Yeah. Ever since Jonah met his soulmate, he’s no longer scared of losing Libby.”

“He met his soulmate? But that would mean…”

“Yeah. It was only once. I don’t think even he knows who it was.”

“How did he feel?” TJ asked.

Cyrus was silent, trying to remember. “Honestly? I don’t think he minded much.”

“How come?”

“Well, he said that it didn’t matter to him. He loves Libby, so he doesn’t mind being with her even if she isn’t his soulmate. Libby feels the same.”

“I’m happy for them.”

“Me too.”

Cyrus was silent, deep in thought. TJ stopped stroking his hair for a bit. “Hey, Cy. We don’t have to keep talking about soulmates, okay? I know it stresses you out.”

Cyrus smiled gratefully at TJ. “Thanks.”

They were quiet, Cyrus continuing to play with his and TJ’s hands. Then, he said, “Anyway, I have a suspicion.”

TJ furrowed his eyebrows. “Which is?”

“Have you noticed something about Buffy and Andi?”

“Hmm. I don’t know?”

“Just that they’ve been getting closer…”

“Cyrus of course, they’re gonna be close they are best friends! And since their experiences last year, they have had only each other to truly understand. So,” TJ stopped, suddenly realising what Cyrus was saying. He looked down in surprise at Cyrus, both bursting out in laughter.

“You don’t think?” TJ said, in between laughs.

“I’m just saying! Not yet. But I’m just saying,” Cyrus said, shrugging.

“Oh my god, Cyrus.”

“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it!”

TJ’s silence was enough Cyrus needed for confirmation.

“I knew it.”

They laughed, forgetting the movie for a while. TJ looked at Cyrus laughing, knowing that somehow he was falling more in love each second he spent with Cyrus. Sensing TJ staring, Cyrus looked up at TJ, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Now. Let’s see how exactly these two are going to fall in love,” Cyrus said as he pulled away, restarting the movie as he leaned into TJ, their hands clasped together.

*

“So I was thinking,” TJ started.

“Yes?” Cyrus said from the kitchen where he was clearing the dishes.

“There’s a trampoline park in town that I haven’t been to before,” TJ said nervously. “And I was thinking.”

“Yeah?” Cyrus asked, his excitement coming through.

“Do you want to go there together tomorrow? On a date?”

Cyrus just smiled, going up to TJ and giving him a kiss. “I would love to.”

TJ smiled and leaned in for another kiss. They both just smiled, resting their foreheads together for a while. Suddenly, TJ pulled back, worried. “Wait, what time is it?”

Cyrus looked at his watch and sighed in relief. “It’s 5:15pm. But I haven’t checked my phone in a while. Probably should, just to see if my mom has called.

Cyrus reached over to his phone that had fallen off the couch, only to find it completely out of charge. He groaned. “Shoot. She’s probably pissed. I should go home.”

“Do you have to?” TJ asked, pouting.

Cyrus giggled, kissing TJ’s cheek. “Yes, I do. Unless you want my mother to ban me from coming here.”

He gathered his stuff and TJ walked him to the door, reluctant to let him go.

“Happy one year,” Cyrus whispered, kissing TJ when he reached the door. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” TJ whispered back, hugging Cyrus.

“So, tomorrow?” TJ asked after pulling away.

“Tomorrow,” Cyrus said, smiling as we walked away. Before he went too far, he looked back at TJ standing in the doorway, blowing a kiss to him which TJ caught dramatically.

_God, he loved him._

Cyrus practically skipped all the way home, still high on happiness. He opened the door to his house, smiling and full of hope. His mother was standing at the stairs, looking worried. As soon as she saw Cyrus, she walked up to him and said, “Cyrus where have you been? It’s past 6 o’clock!”

“Wait, what? No it isn’t,” Cyrus said, confused. A small seed of worry began to grow, but he refused to think about it. “I left at 5:15pm so it’s now,” he said, pausing to look at his watch to prove his point, but he froze. It still read 5:15.

_No, it wasn’t true._

Cyrus ran up to his room frantically, his mother yelling after him. But he couldn’t hear her. When he reached, his eyes landed on a clock.

6:29pm.

_Wait no. Maybe, maybe everything was okay._

Cyrus opened his bathroom door and lowered his shirt to look at his left shoulder, hoping against hope that he would be met with solid black words.

But all that met his eyes was a soft, muted grey.

_No._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry. i really am.
> 
> only 2 updates left! (one more chapter and then the epilogue) so hope you guys liked this chapter!


	9. 9.

**_Visions of Gideon - Sufjan Stevens_ **

_No no no. This couldn’t be happening._

Cyrus’ breathing grew shallow, his throat dry. The floor began to sway beneath his feet. He staggered backwards, leaning against the light blue walls of his bathroom.

_His eyes were playing tricks on him. That’s all. Everything was okay. If he checked again, the words would be black._

With what felt like an enormous amount of effort, he pushed himself off the wall, moving towards the mirror, his eyes trained to the ground.

 _Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Everything was okay._ Cyrus’ eyes stung with tears threatening to fall as he looked up at the mirror. Slowly, with each breath bringing a greater sense of dread, he lowered his shirt from the collar, forcing himself to look at his shoulder.

Grey.

His breath caught in his throat, producing a strangled noise, as Cyrus covered his mouth with a hand. He sank to the floor, the tears now flowing freely. Cyrus pressed his hand to his mouth, desperately trying to hide his sobs. But it was impossible.

He pulled his knees to his body, hiding his face in his hands. He could practically hear his heart break into pieces, the fragments scattered on the tiles of his bathroom floor. His surroundings now seemed dull, unimportant. And in the aftermath, Cyrus could think of only one thing to say to TJ, one thing which now he never could.

_You broke your promise._

*

 _There had to be a way around this, right?_ Cyrus thought to himself, finally getting off the bathroom floor and walking to his bed, almost as if he was in a daze. His soul may as well have just left his body, with every movement of his feeling like it was someone controlling him with puppet strings.

He collapsed onto the bed, the tears now dried on his cheeks. Every now and then, a choked sob came up in his throat, shaking his whole body. He reached over for his phone. There were missed calls from Buffy and Andi, dozens of text messages from the GHC’s group chat. Scrolling through the notifications, Cyrus hoped against hope that the name ‘Teej’ would be there, with some comforting words, or even a Shrek reference that Cyrus famously loathed. He would take it in a heartbeat over the inevitability of the rest of their lives.

Holding his breath, he opened TJ’s chat, scrolling back a bit, fresh tears forming as he looked back at their previous conversations. Steadying himself, Cyrus opened the keyboard, praying to any higher power that lay out there.

 **Cyrus:**  hey teej?

**_Message not delivered_ **

_No, please. Not now,_  Cyrus thought, typing out another.

 **Cyrus:** please

**_Message not delivered_ **

And so it went on for 10 minutes, Cyrus desperately trying to say something, say anything to TJ. But nothing went through.

As if it wasn’t supposed to.

Frustrated, Cyrus threw his phone against the wall, shattering the screen. But he couldn’t care. Pressing the balls of his palm against his eyes to stop the tears, he curled up in bed, trying not to think about TJ.

Trying not to think about his warm smile, the one he saved only for Cyrus. Trying not to think about how his eyes shone when talking about things he loved, whether it be basketball, dirt biking or the environment. Trying not to think about how his hugs always managed to make Cyrus feel safe and at home. Trying not to think about their first kiss, the rain pouring around them, as they promised to always be for each other. Trying not to think about how they first met, how they became friends, how they helped each other grow.

Trying not to think about how much he loved him.

*

“Cyrus! Open the door. Please.”

Cyrus woke up, his eyelids feeling glued together after having cried himself to sleep. He rubbed them, trying to wake up, now keenly aware of the pounding noise of his door being knocked on. The sound drilled into his brain and he tried to shut it out, covering his head with the pillow, but to no avail.

“Cyrus, come on. You’ve been in there for 2 days straight. Please, we’re worried,” Buffy said, knocking again.

“And you haven’t answered our texts either. Is everything okay? Talk to us,” Andi added.

After a moment of silence, Cyrus rolled off his bed with a sigh, moving to open the door.

“Finally, now what reason could there be for,” Buffy began, trailing off as soon as she saw Cyrus’ tear-stained face and empty eyes. Andi tried to hold back a gasp, her hand involuntarily reaching for Cyrus’ shoulder.

“Cy? What happened?” Andi asked, her voice gentle and laced with concern.

Cyrus took a deep breath, finding it hard to say anything. The two girls walked into the room, closing the door behind them, and sat on his bed.

“I-It’s TJ,” Cyrus managed to get out, every word taking a tremendous amount of effort after having not spoken to even his mother for the past 2 days.

“What did he do? I swear if he hurt you, I’ll hunt him down,” Buffy said, moving to push herself off the bed, but Cyrus grabbed her hand and stopped her.

“I told him that I loved him,” Cyrus whispered.

“But, Cyrus. That’s great!” Andi said, confused. “Unless he didn’t say it back?”

“No, he did. So cliché. Saying we love each other on our one-year anniversary,” Cyrus said, laughing weakly.

“So, what’s the problem, Cy?” Buffy said, furrowing her eyebrows.

Cyrus took in a breath, looking up at the ceiling to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. Steadying himself, he looked at the bedspread and finally, in a broken whisper, he said it.

“TJ’s my soulmate.”

Buffy’s furrowed eyebrows relaxed as the realisation hit her. Andi wrapped her arms around Cyrus’ shoulder, holding him tight. Buffy grabbed Cyrus’ hand in her own, rubbing comforting circles with her thumb. Cyrus rested his head on Buffy’s shoulder, his other hand holding onto Andi’s waist. The three sat there for what seemed like forever, the silence cut by choked sobs every now and then.

“How did it… you know,” Buffy asked, unable to find the right words to say.

“We were just at his house having a lazy day. TJ wanted us to go to a trampoline park the next day. You can guess what happened then,” Cyrus said, his eyes downcast.

“Cyrus, I’m so sorry,” Andi said, giving his shoulders a squeeze.

“We’d had such a good day too,” Cyrus said, his voice cracking as the tears finally gave way once again. He had spent the last 2 days in a constant cycle of tears and recovery. And there didn’t look to be an end to it.

“Is there anything we can do?” Buffy asked softly.

“Just, stay here, please? I don’t wanna be alone right now,” Cyrus said, looking the two of them as they smiled and nodded.

Surrounded by his best friends, Cyrus forgot everything. Even if it was only for a brief moment in time.

It was worth it.

*

“You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this. But I miss Amber as our waitress,” Buffy said, taking a sip of her milkshake. She had grabbed Cyrus and had practically dragged him as soon as school ended to the Spoon, saying that he needed some good old baby tater therapy. But Cyrus knew that it was also so that he didn’t accidentally catch a glimpse of TJ. Not that it was a problem, since he and TJ went to different high schools.  _That should have been a sign that it was going to end_ , he thought to himself, nibbling on his baby taters.

“Yeah, actually. Who else would mess up our orders and just spend their entire shift talking to us instead of working?” Cyrus replied ruefully. Amber had been one of their really good friends, but ever since she and Andi had exchanged their last words the previous year, they saw her less and less. She moved away 2 months after that, losing contact with everyone she knew from Shadyside. It crushed Andi the most, and the delicate acceptance she had built up till that day fell apart.

That’s the thing no ever told you about the aftermath of talking to your soulmate for the last time. It’s not just those 2 people whose lives are torn apart. Everyone close to them is also impacted, their sense of normal ripped out from under their feet.

Cyrus shook his head slightly, trying to think about things other than soulmates.

“So, how’s basketball going?” he asked Buffy, trying to turn the topic away from lost soulmates.

She perked up and immediately began talking about their practices. While Cyrus understood practically nothing, he hung on every word, taking comfort in seeing his best friend light up about something she was so proud of.

“The girls are amazing! I was actually intimidated by the captain at first. Can you believe it? Me? Intimidated by someone?” Buffy said with a laugh. “I guess that’s why I started acting all high and mighty again. To prove that I was good enough for them.”

“Again? Like you stopped?” Cyrus said, raising an eyebrow. Buffy just glared at him, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

“You know what I mean!”

“I do, I do,” Cyrus said, raising his hands in surrender.

“Anyway, turns out, if you don’t act like you are the greatest player that ever was, you can actually make some really good friends,” Buffy said, smiling fondly.

“Cheers to that,” Cyrus said, clinking his milkshake with Buffy’s.

“So, how are you holding up?” Buffy asked after taking another sip of her milkshake.

“Buffy…”

“I know it’s not something you want to talk about, but trust me. At some point, you have to say something. You can’t keep things to yourself forever. Believe me, I would know, wouldn’t I?”

Cyrus sighed, holding Buffy’s hand across the table. “You’re right. And you and Andi did talk about it almost immediately after. It’s just,” Cyrus hesitated. “It’s gonna take me more time.”

“Of course it will. And that’s okay,” Buffy said, squeezing his hand. “Whenever you are ready to talk, we’re all right here. Okay?”

“Thanks Buffy,” Cyrus said, his voice choking up for the millionth time the past 4 days.

“So, what say we get out of here and throw on some Jurassic Park?” Buffy said, grabbing her bag.

“But don’t you not like Jurassic Park?” Cyrus asked, amused.

“Eh, some sacrifices are worth being made.”

Smiling, Cyrus reached for his wallet to pay for the food, but their waitress came up to him and stopped him.

“You don’t need to pay for it,” the girl said. She had brown hair in a bob cut and she seemed two years older than them.  _She definitely wasn’t Amber._

“Why not?” Cyrus asked, confused. Even Buffy looked perplexed.

“This guy came in earlier. Tall, blonde hair, green eyes.”

 _TJ._ Cyrus felt his heart start to beat faster, as he tried to focus on the girl’s words.

“Anyway,” she continued. “He came up to me and showed me a picture of you, saying that whatever you ordered should be put on his tab. Something about a bet or something? He had left a note but I lost it. I don’t know but you don’t have to pay.”

With that, the girl walked away, leaving Buffy in more of a confusion than before. But Cyrus was just staring at the plate, his mind running at a million miles per second.

“Cyrus? Do you know what just happened?” Buffy asked after seeing Cyrus’ lack of response.

Slowly, Cyrus nodded as he tried to fight the tears. He coughed a bit, trying to say something.

“That day, we had a bet over something. I don’t even remember what. If I won, TJ said he’d pay for my baby taters and milkshakes for a year. I didn’t even remember,” Cyrus said, laughing weakly.

Buffy just held his hands as he cried, but amongst the sadness, there was a small amount of happiness.

_At least he isn’t all gone._

*

“Have you tried texting him?” Andi asked as she, Buffy and Cyrus walked into school.

Cyrus just silently pulled out his phone, showing all the undelivered messages.

“What did you expect, Andi? The same thing happened with the both of us,” Buffy said with a sigh.

“I just hoped that maybe this time it would be different.”

“Have you guys spoken to him?” Cyrus asked.

“I’ve tried, but every time I want to tell him something you said, I just forget it,” Buffy said.

“Me too. It just slips our mind every time,” Andi added.

“Hey guys!” Jonah said, walking up to them with his characteristic smile.

“Oh, Cyrus! I met TJ on the way,” Jonah said after the group had walked into the school building.

“You did?” Cyrus asked, his voice small.

“Yeah. He wanted me to give you a note. Here,” Jonah said, reaching into his pocket, only to find the note missing. “Wait, I had it right here!”

“It’s okay, Jonah,” Cyrus said, patting his shoulder. “I didn’t expect you to find it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because, we’ve tried this all before. Texting, notes, even asking our friends to go and say something. It doesn’t work,” Andi said sadly as she hunted for her English book.

“That doesn’t seem fair,” Jonah said.

Buffy put her arm around his shoulder with a sigh.

“It isn’t.”

*

“I’ll see you guys later,” Cyrus said, waving goodbye to his friends as he left school on that Friday. He held onto his bag, starting to head off until he froze, seeing someone across the courtyard.

TJ.

It was as if time stood still. Cyrus didn’t know how to react. It had been more than a week since he had last seen TJ and his throat went dry, his breathing heavy. This was extremely unexpected.

TJ looked just as shocked.  _He looked terrible,_  Cyrus thought to himself, noting his harried appearance and slouched shoulders. He looked as broken as Cyrus felt. All Cyrus wanted to do was run across that courtyard and hug TJ, never intending to pull away.  _God, he would always love him._

It seemed like TJ had a similar idea, starting to walk towards Cyrus. But just as he started to move forward, Buffy called out to Cyrus, making him turn away from TJ for a moment. When he turned back, TJ was gone. Cyrus just about caught him being walked away by one of his former teammates.

That should have been expected. As Cyrus turned away, his heart still fractured but no tears left to cry, he took a deep breath.

There was never going to be anything more. The universe was making sure of that.

And he would have to live with it for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh geez this is the longest chapter in the story.
> 
> so this is the last chapter before the epilogue. i can’t believe this fic is almost over omg. my first chaptered fic huh.
> 
> anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter! i’m sorry for the pain, i really am.


	10. Epilogue

**_Green - Cavetown_ **

As the days crawled on, the pain dulled. It never went away, Cyrus didn’t expect it to. But, with each passing day, it got a bit easier to get out of bed to go to school. With each passing day, Cyrus smiled more, bit by bit becoming himself again. And whenever it started hurting again, Andi, Buffy and Jonah were right there for him through it all.

He never forgot TJ. At first, he desperately tried to. But eventually, Cyrus realised that the memories they had shared were some of his best ones, ones he always wanted to keep close to him. And so he treasured them, writing about as many as he could in a journal that he kept in his bedside drawer, always close by. Soon enough, a picture of Cyrus and TJ found a permanent place in Cyrus’ things, wherever he was. It just seemed right.

The years of high school afterwards carried their own kinds of pain. Cyrus always saw TJ at the basketball games between their schools. And TJ always caught a glimpse of Cyrus around town. But soon, these glimpses turned from painful to rueful but comforting moments. But that didn’t make them any easier on Cyrus’ heart, a piercing pain still thrilling through it when he would see TJ on the court, his eyes focused on the ball. TJ still felt his breath catch in his throat when he spotted Cyrus through the window of the Spoon.

Leaving for college made things much easier. Cyrus got into an Ivy League college of course, but against the predictions of the fortune teller at his Bar Mitzvah, he also graduated from one, much to the pride of his parents. The moment he walked onto the stage at his graduation to receive his diploma was one of the best moments of his life. He had felt on top of the world.

College is also where Cyrus met James. Sweet, environment-loving, funny James. It had taken him a while to even consider falling in love again, still not ready for heartbreak. But, soon enough, James came along with his charm and his jokes and Cyrus didn’t feel so scared anymore.

James still hadn’t met his soulmate, but he knew Cyrus wasn’t that person. He only found out about Cyrus’ soulmate experience a year into their relationship, a story that had been told over a glass of wine and Cyrus desperately keeping himself together. He knew that Cyrus would never stop loving the boy who was in the picture that sat on the shelf where he kept his most prized possessions, but he was okay with that.

“It would be crazy if you didn’t love your soulmate even after all this time,” James had said with a smile, cupping Cyrus’ cheeks in his hands to ease the worried look from his eyes.

“Are you sure?” Cyrus had asked, worried.

“Of course I am. I wouldn’t want you to stop loving him. He’s still really important to you.”

“Just as long as you know that I love you,” Cyrus had replied, pulling James in for a kiss.

“I know. I love you too.”

*

“Do you think the Spoon is a good location? It has ambience, seating and food,” Cyrus said, walking down the street with James as he held his hand.

“Cyrus,” James said, stopping to make Cyrus look at him. “I love you, and I would do anything to make you happy. But we are not getting married in the Spoon.”

“But why? It’s my favourite place,” Cyrus whined, pouting.

James just glared at him. “Yeah, no. The pout isn’t gonna work this time.”

“Damn it,” Cyrus huffed, dropping the pout. “That usually works wonders.”

James laughed, bringing Cyrus’ hand up to kiss it softly. “You’re forgetting we’ve been together coming up on five years. I know all your tricks, babe.”

Cyrus lasted all of 2 seconds of seriousness before cracking, wrapping his arms around James’ neck.

“Well then. Aren’t I lucky I’m marrying you then?”

“I think I’d argue that I’m the lucky one,” James said, leaning in to press a light kiss to Cyrus’ lips.

They continued ahead, hand in hand as Cyrus pointed out the various locations in Shadyside, Utah, recounting all the stories hidden in the cracks of the walls. And all the while, James listened eagerly, hanging on Cyrus’ every word.

“And that’s the Red Rooster, where Jonah had many a performance that ended in varying levels of success,” Cyrus said, gesturing to the record store ahead. “Andi’s dad still works there.”

“Sweet! Oh wait, that reminds me,” James said, turning to Cyrus. “When are Buffy and Andi coming down?”

“In 2 days or so. Andi’s waiting for the school year to end,” Cyrus said. “Art Teacher and all, you know?”

“Do you think they have forgiven us for the wedding fiasco?” James asked, looking nervous.

“Psh, believe me, they’ve probably forgotten about it,” Cyrus said, waving his hand dismissively.

James just looked down at Cyrus. “You better be right, or else they’ll object to us getting married.”

Cyrus just laughed, putting his arm around James’ shoulders. “Babe, it’s gonna be okay. Besides, we made up for it by giving them the best wedding gift ever.”

Cyrus stopped walking and turned to James, cupping his cheeks. “Look, I know that’s not what you’re worried about, so I’m just gonna cut to it. They really like you. They’d be crazy not to. And even if they don’t, I love you, okay?”

James smiled gratefully at Cyrus, looking ahead. Suddenly, he realised something and immediately whispered to Cyrus, “Hey, isn’t that the guy?”

“What guy?” Cyrus asked, laughing slightly.

“What was his name?” James muttered to himself. “Oh yeah. TJ.”

Hearing that name sent Cyrus’ heart racing, his palms growing sweaty. “W-What?” James just pointed ahead to a man rummaging through the records out front. Cyrus followed his finger and he froze, his heart practically stopping.

“It’s TJ, right?” James asked in a low voice.

“I see him,” Cyrus replied, suddenly finding it hard to speak.

“Whoa,” James said, getting a better look at TJ. “He looks a lot meaner in person.”

 _Oh, the déjà vu._  Cyrus took a deep breath, a sense of calm coming over him. “Yeah well, don’t let that fool you.”

James looked over at Cyrus with a small smile. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am. Don’t worry about me,” Cyrus said, bumping his head with James’ as a reassurance. “Come on, let’s keep walking.”

James complied, grabbing Cyrus’ hand and walking ahead, taking in the town. Cyrus just watched his fiance’s excited demeanour, falling more in love with him. 

They walked past the Red Rooster, Cyrus narrowly missing TJ’s shoulder by an inch. James stopped at the nearby shop to see something that had caught his eye. In the meantime, TJ had crossed the road, and as he turned back, he caught a glimpse of-

 _No, it couldn’t be,_  he thought but looking again, it was really him. Cyrus.

Cyrus caught TJ’s eye, his breath hitching as he saw TJ looking at him from across the road. After a moment of shock, TJ smiled, his face all lit up. Cyrus couldn’t help but smile back, a small laugh escaping his lips.

TJ looked over Cyrus’ shoulder at James, who was talking to the store owner, his eyebrows quirked. Cyrus just looked back at James and then down at his left hand, the one that had a plain silver ring on the ring finger. He looked back up at TJ, who was trying to piece everything together. He saw the realisation hit TJ, a soft smile spreading on his face as he could feel TJ silently congratulating him. Cyrus simply shrugged in response, unable to control his happiness.

“You ready to go, babe?” James asked, snapping Cyrus out of his silent moment with TJ from across the street.

“Yeah, I am,” Cyrus said, looking back to see TJ walking away, turning around to look back at Cyrus. Their eyes met, smiles on their faces as they said goodbye as best as they would without words.

As they walked away, Cyrus realised that the interaction with TJ had left him warm. Content. Seeing him that day was like revisiting your old childhood movie. That keen sense of nostalgia wrapped up in pure comfort. It had left him feeling happy, peaceful.

Maybe that’s what having a soulmate really meant. It didn’t mean the one person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with, or the one person who was absolutely perfect for you. Maybe it meant that person who, when you met again, gives you that sense of nostalgia, that peaceful pause. That person who you would always love in a different way to any other person you may love. Not in a romantic way, or a platonic way. But in a way that couldn’t be described as anything other than unique. Maybe it meant that person who when you would meet again after the words had been said, would mean you were still connected with some hidden knowledge, an inside joke of sorts. Maybe that’s what it really meant.

But what would we know? The universe is full of mysteries. And soulmates are its most elusive.

But as he walked down the street with James, Cyrus realised he didn’t mind not knowing.

He was glad that, of all people, his soulmate was TJ Kippen.

**_THE END_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s it folks, the last update. I can’t believe that i actually finished this. My first chaptered fic oof.
> 
> Thank you so much to anyone who has ever read this fic. Whether you came back with each update in real time, or you binge read it in one night, thank you so much. I love all of you so much. 
> 
> Well, bye for now!


	11. Alternate Chapter 8 (ENDING)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i actually had panned out an alternate ending for ‘Our Last Words’ but ultimately scrapped it for the original so i pulled out those notes.
> 
> SO this is set after Chapter 7 of ‘Our Last Words’. To recap: the chapter ends with them finally confessing and kissing dramatically in the rain, but Cyrus confessed his fear of losing TJ if he is his soulmate, but TJ reassures him it’ll be okay. But he’s still scared.

_**With or Without You - U2** _

Cyrus wished, in that moment, that he had never met TJ.

He wasn’t even sure what the argument had started about, but now they were fully yelling in each other’s faces, hurling insult after insult at each other. Cyrus knew he didn’t mean any of what he was saying, but his mind was stuck in a storm and there was no getting out.

“You can be so infuriating sometimes, Cyrus,” TJ yelled, wildly running his fingers through his hair.

“Oh really? How come?” Cyrus hissed, glaring at TJ.

“Are you serious? All past year, I’ve been so patient, and understanding, never asking why you would just up and leave in between dates or hanging out, trying to not let it upset me. But you never said why, you just kept doing it. And it sucked. But what sucked more is you never said a word. You always just left.”

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s just, I,” Cyrus stammered, unable to find the words. How was he supposed to tell TJ about his nervousness about soulmates and the numbers and letters printed on his shoulder, without sounding paranoid?

TJ just turned away from Cyrus, pinching the bridge of his nose, leaning against the kitchen counter in his house. He took a deep breath, but kept his head down.

“I’m gonna go,” Cyrus mumbled, grabbing his phone from the table. TJ scoffed.

“Are you serious right now? You’re literally doing the same thing again!”

“I just have to go,” Cyrus started, his tone pleading.

“Why, Cyrus? Why can’t you just tell me?”

“I can’t! Okay? I can’t tell you!” Cyrus yelled, the tears filling up in his eyes, as he moved to the door. He grabbed his coat and left TJ’s house, the cold air of winter hitting him in the face as soon as he walked out. All he heard was TJ’s sigh as he shut the door behind him.

As he walked away from the house, Cyrus let the tears fall. This had been their worst fight yet. They didn’t fight very often, only irrelevant arguments every now and then. But this one seemed different. And despite how much it hurt, Cyrus knew that it was warranted in some sense. He had been so caught up in his fear of TJ being his soulmate that he had not considered how TJ would be feeling with him leaving abruptly almost every time they hung out.

 _Were they still together?_ Cyrus asked himself as he made his way to the Spoon. He really hoped they were, and that this was just another obstacle they would get over. But for some reason, he felt unsure. And that just left a weird feeling in his gut. He shook his head slightly as he pushed open the door of the Spoon, just wanting to settle down with some baby taters and a milkshake.

“Oh, Cyrus! Hey,” a voice said from behind him, and Cyrus turned to see Walker sitting in a booth, waving him over. Cyrus rubbed his nose, which was quite red, and smiled back, heading over to him.

“Hey Walker,” Cyrus said, sliding into the seat opposite to him. Walker furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Cyrus in concern.

“Are you okay, bro? You look hassled.”

Cyrus just waved him off, sniffing. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just, cold and stuff.”

Walker didn’t look convinced, but nodded his head anyway, as the waitress set down their food. They spent the next half an hour just talking about nothing in particular, Cyrus starting to feel a bit better about things. He hadn’t really spoken much to Walker before, what with all the drama involving him, Andi, Jonah and Buffy. It was a big mess that Cyrus wanted no part of. But, as he kept talking to him, Cyrus realised that they actually got on pretty well. If things were different, they could have been really good friends.

All the while they were at the Spoon, Cyrus itched to check his phone, desperate to see if TJ had texted him, said anything. At various points, he caved and checked, but the notifications were blank. He tapped his fingers against the table repeatedly, his underlying nervousness growing. Walker wasn’t blind, he picked up on his actions soon enough, and finally, he grabbed Cyrus’ hand, forcing him to stop tapping.

“Are you sure everything is okay, Cyrus?” Walker asked, looking Cyrus in the eye. Cyrus forced himself to look back at Walker, taking a deep breath.

“TJ and I got into a huge fight before this,” Cyrus said with a sigh, looking at the empty baby tater basket before him. “And I don’t know if we will still be okay.”

Walker shook his head. “You don’t need to worry about that. Your friendship is strong enough to last anything.”

Cyrus gave a short, emotionless laugh. “Friendship, maybe. But a relationship is different, I guess.”

Walker looked confused at first, but then realisation flooded his face, as he leaned back in his seat. “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys were-”

“It’s okay,” Cyrus interrupted, holding up his hand. “I know what you meant.”

Walker nodded. “I’m sure you guys will be okay.”

Cyrus sighed, taking the opportunity to check his phone again. Still nothing.

There was an awkward silence between them, until Walker snapped his fingers. “Oh! I wanted to tell you. There’s an art exhibition tomorrow, and one of my paintings is gonna be there as one of the featured artist works.”

“Whoa, Walker, that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you,” Cyrus said, smiling as he bumped fists with him.

“Thanks, man. Anyway, I’d love it if you could come by and see it.”

“Really?” Cyrus asked.

“Yeah,” Walker shrugged. “I still haven’t told Andi or anyone, so you’re the first person I’ve told.”

Cyrus smiled, taking the flyer which Walker had passed over to him. “I’ll try my best to make it.”

“Cool,” Walker replied, smiling warmly. “Tomorrow?”

Cyrus bumped fists with him again as he slid out of the booth seat. “Tomorrow.”

*

Cyrus walked home, the temporary happiness from hanging out with Walker wearing out. He appreciated Walker trying to make him feel better, and it had worked for a bit. But after he left, he looked back at his blank phone screen, the worry setting in. Logic dictated that he should call TJ and talk this out. But when had his logical side ever won against the side holding irrational fear?

Cyrus walked back to his room, throwing his coat on his bed. When he did so, he caught a fleeting glimpse at his watch.

_6:17 pm._

Cyrus sighed, heading over to the bathroom. He knew there was no real reason for him to check, he hadn’t been around TJ at the time on his shoulder, but old habits die hard. He pulled down the collar of his shirt, his gaze sliding over, but he did a double take and gasped.

Grey.

_What? How? Who could it have been? Only people he had spoken to were TJ and…_

_Oh._

As if he was stuck in slow motion, Cyrus picked up his phone and shakily clicked on Walker’s contact, typing out a ‘hi’. Holding his breath, he pressed ‘Send’.

**This message could not be delivered _._**

Cyrus gasped, dropping his phone onto the bed, covering his mouth in shock. He hastily typed out many more messages, checking if it wasn’t just a fluke.

**This message could not be delivered _._**

**This message could not be delivered _._**

**This message could not be delivered _._**

Cyrus felt tears prick his eyes, bit they weren’t of sadness. Of course, he felt a dull pang of pain, knowing he would never get to talk to Walker again. He really had a great time with him that day, but in the end, they just didn’t know each other well enough. He would miss a friend, though. But…

_TJ wasn’t his soulmate._

That realisation hit Cyrus like a ton of bricks. In the best way possible. _TJ wasn’t his soulmate. He wouldn’t lose him. He didn’t need to be scared anymore. He didn’t need to be scared._

“TJ,” Cyrus whispered, as he left his coat and bolted out of his room, down the stairs, out of the doors, into the streets as the sky began to grow darker. Under the darkening sky, Cyrus ran. He ran a record distance for him, all the way trying to call TJ, but receiving no answer.

He reached TJ’s house, but he didn’t knock. Instead, he went to the side of the house, and climbed up to TJ’s window, from where he could see the light on, and a figure walking around the room. He had only climbed up to TJ’s window once, and it had almost ended in a trip to the emergency room. But desperate times called for desperate measures. Cyrus made his way up the drain pipe, very nearly falling off at least 5 times. But eventually, he made it up, rapping his knuckles on TJ’s window, catching his breath after the unbelievable amount of exercise he had done.

He saw TJ pace about his room, his eyes visibly red. At Cyrus’ knocking, he turned around abruptly, his jaw dropping to the floor as he walked up to the window to open it.

“Cyrus, what are you,” TJ started but was cut off by Cyrus pulling him in for a kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck, pulling TJ as close as he could. TJ was knocked back in shock, but soon enough wrapped his hands around Cyrus’ waist, melting into his touch. Cyrus pulled away, but grabbed TJ’s face, kissing it all over, whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over.

“Hey hey,” TJ said, moving Cyrus back so he could look him in the eye. “It’s okay, Cy. It’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry for hurting you TJ,” Cyrus mumbled, his face red, a stray tear falling down his cheek. “I was so scared of possibly losing you, that I just forgot everything else. And I didn’t realise how I was hurting your feelings.”

“Cyrus,” TJ whispered, pushing Cyrus’ hair back, trying to hold the tears back himself. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I said some awful things too. But I told you, you won’t lose me.”

“I know that now,” Cyrus said, looking at TJ with a bright smile of relief.

It took TJ a minute to understand what Cyrus meant, but soon he realised. And he grabbed Cyrus and hugged him tight, spinning him around his room, kissing his cheek, his forehead, his lips. He had never felt more relief in his life.

“We must be the first losers to be so happy that we aren’t soulmates,” Cyrus laughed, bumping his nose with TJ’s.

“So, are we okay?” TJ asked nervously, looking at Cyrus. Cyrus just smiled, and pulled TJ in for a kiss, nodding his head.

“Yeah we are. Of course we are.”

They stayed like that, hugging and kissing, high on a different level of happiness. After a while, TJ turned over to Cyrus.

“I don’t care what the universe says,” he whispered, holding Cyrus’ hand. “But you are the best person for me, Cyrus Goodman.”

Cyrus smiled, kissing the tip of TJ’s nose. “And you’re the best person for me, TJ Kippen.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be updating as often as I can, at least once a week if not more.


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